i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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