If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize