that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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