Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
