Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize