last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
