Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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