the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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