No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
