If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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