So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
