she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
