The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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