I cannot find my penis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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