sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
