i just had sex bonerless
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
