thus making me awesome and them whores
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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