the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
