I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
