i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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