He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
