i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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