Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
