when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
