Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
