i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
