I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
