It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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