why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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