Cold hands, warm shart.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
