dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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