Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
