I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
