oh god the rape fog is back!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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