Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
