We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
