I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
