i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
