Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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