So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
