He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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