Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
