??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
