i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
