Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
