I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
