Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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