Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
