we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
