it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
