doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
