What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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