i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
