We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
