I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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