Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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