oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
