I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
