we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
