I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
