So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
