My room smells like vodka and shame
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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