Rock
Scissors
Fuck
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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