I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
