Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
