So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize