It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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