Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize