It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
