Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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