I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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