my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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