Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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