Ketchup is God's man juice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
